


Any Time She Goes Away

by kissontheneck



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Kradam, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-27
Updated: 2009-04-27
Packaged: 2017-10-05 16:14:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissontheneck/pseuds/kissontheneck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kris is missing his wife, Adam is there to lend some comfort.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Any Time She Goes Away

**Author's Note:**

> For **clionona** (LJ), who encourages me too much.

It just wasn't working. Even though his hands were in the right places, his fingers pressed tightly on the strings, strums clean and ringing... it wasn't working. It didn't sound right at all, but he didn't know why. He wanted so badly to sing this song, especially now. The pain in his heart had been so great lately that he needed the release this song brought him. Needed it like the desert needed the rain. But this stupid song wasn't working out for him and he only had one more day to get it together before he had to perform it in competition in front of millions of people. But somehow he wasn't feeling it yet, it wasn't right. And he didn't know what on earth to do about it.

The door clicking open signified that Adam had returned from his excursion outside and Kris let his hands fall from the guitar as he looked up to see his roommate striding towards him, winking grin on his lips. He was dressed normally -- ragged jeans, plain t-shirt -- and his hair was flat and unstyled. Kris preferred seeing his friend this way, as he didn't completely understand why Adam would cover himself up like he did all the time, when he was a perfectly attractive guy already. Although, even now, half of Adam's face was taken up by overly-large, round sunglasses that Kris thought made Adam look like a strange alien insect.

"What are you wearing?" Kris laughed, the lilt of his accent teasing under the words. "You look like you just stepped out of _The Metamorphosis_."

"Wow, thanks buddy," Adam laughed, and Kris was glad he got the reference. "Fine, I won't give you your present then."

Kris twisted his face in confusion. "What? You got me something? What'd you do that for?"

Adam was now rummaging in the shopping bag he'd carried in and finally pulled out -- with some flourish even -- another pair of sunglasses, these ones being brown-tinted aviators, and Adam grinned like an idiot as he approached his friend and unceremoniously shoved them onto his slender face.

"Wha-- Adam!"

Adam cackled and held his side as if he'd suddenly been poked in the rib. "No, no, leave them on! Come look in the mirror, you look hot!"

Kris felt his cheeks heat up as Adam grabbed him by the wrist, jerking him up and causing him to almost drop his guitar. It wasn't the first time Adam had declared him "hot" and it made him feel slightly uncomfortable. He hadn't really thought of himself that way, and didn't really strive for it either. He was just Kris, from Conway, Arkansas, where, frankly, not many people _were_ hot, to be honest. Sometimes "mildly attractive" was a difficult phrase to pin onto someone. Now at the full-length mirror that backed the bathroom door, Kris made a face at himself and Adam continued laughing, his cheeks pressing against the bottom of his own sunglasses.

"I look like Farrah Fawcett!" Kris declared, grabbing at the frames. "When on earth will I wear these?"

"Don't you dare take them off!" Adam cried, batting Kris' hand away from his face. "For your next performance, of course!"

"Oh _come on_," Kris laughed. "That won't go at all. Besides, I'm not even sure I'm going to make it that far."

The smile half melted from Adam's face. "What?"

"Oh, this song," Kris said, now pulling the sunglasses from his face completely. "It's just not... it's not _working_, but I don't know why."

Adam's brow furrowed as he pulled his glasses from his face as well. The slightest amount of eyeliner emphasized his glowing eyes and Kris almost felt like they were burning into him.

"What seems to be the trouble? Maybe I can help you."

"Oh, I don't..." Kris trailed as he looked at the floor. "I don't even know is the trouble. It just doesn't feel right."

Adam's arms crossed as he looked sideways at his companion. "Let me hear it and I'll tell you."

Kris' head snapped up, eyes meeting those still-burning eyes. "Um, really?"

"Yeah, come on." Adam jerked his head towards where Kris had been vexing over his guitar moments before. Kris reluctantly followed, because while Adam had helped him before, he felt strange about this. He thought he sounded awful and he was anxious about revealing that to anyone. Besides, he also didn't want to have to come to rely on Adam's help; it would be like cheating.

Kris sank onto his bed and took up the guitar again, strumming it a little. He tweaked the tuning slightly and cleared his throat unnecessarily, and when he looked up, he found Adam had pulled up one of the dinette chairs that usually sat tucked in the corner of the room and straddled it backwards, forearms leaning across the back of it. He was looking at Kris intently, as if waiting for a master conductor to make the first move of _La Traviata_ or something, his ghostly blue eyes piercing Kris' very heart.

He began to sing, and still, he played it perfectly, he remembered every word. But he didn't feel it. And he knew if he didn't feel it, he was going to get called out on it. And he knew if you got called out on not feeling your song, you were in trouble. Kris felt awkward with Adam staring unblinking at him, and he closed his eyes, simultaneously hoping that if he pictured the reason this song meant so much to him right now that it would suddenly click for him. But no matter how much he envisioned his wife -- no matter how much he missed her and how much the words conveyed how he felt -- the spirit wasn't making the connection between the two. When he played the last chord he opened his eyes to find Adam resting his chin on his arm, lips pressed together in thought.

"Well?"

"I see what you mean," Adam replied. "There's something... I think... hmm... is there enough time though?"

"What? I'll do anything."

"Well," Adam said, lifting up his head and straightening his back. "I think this song might sound better on the piano, don't you? But do you have time to learn it before tomorrow?"

The piano. Without answering, Kris pushed the guitar away from himself and crossed the room to the keyboard there, dropping himself onto the small bench and flipping on the power. His hands hovered a second over the keys before crashing down in the first notes of the song and it was like a fire was set ablaze within him. Something cracked open within his soul and every word, every note -- every pulse brought forth a twinge of sorrow and pain and longing and he almost choked on the words that were exactly his own thoughts in recent days.

When he finished he was breathless, and had forgotten where he was until he registered Adam's gentle response, a low exhalation of air and eyes as full of wonder as a child's on Christmas.

"Wow."

Kris licked his lips and stuttered. "I... I think I've got it."

"I'll say," Adam replied, picking himself up from the chair. "You're gonna knock 'em dead this week, Kris."

"Um." Kris bit his lip and suddenly felt very vulnerable. Adam had crossed to him and clapped his hand on his shoulder, which for some reason made him jump, though he figured it was an awfully personal touch for someone who had just exposed themselves so freely.

"Yeah," he finally breathed out. "I think I'm gonna be okay."

\----------

Slinking back into the room, Kris breathed out for the first time after his performance. He had been running high on emotions, on good judge feedback, on continuous pats on the back from Danny and Allison and _Adam_ and just _everyone_... and he had seen Katy in the audience and it made his heart ache more. He hadn't been able to see her more than then, as he'd been pulled in every direction backstage and when he was finally free -- she was gone.

So now he drug himself across the room, without even turning on a light, and flung himself onto his bed, emotionally and physically drained. He lay there for awhile, just staring at the ceiling, the dim moonlight enough for him to see the shadows of the room. Soon, there was noise outside the door -- laughing -- and after a series of goodnights were exchanged, the doorknob rattled as Adam came in.

"Whoa, it's dark in here. Kris, are you here?" Adam's voice was soft, and Kris figured it was because Adam did not want to risk waking him if he were asleep. He almost considered faking it just to keep silence and darkness around him, but his mouth had other ideas, apparently.

"I'm here," his voice scratched out.

He could feel Adam coming closer. "Why're you in the dark, buddy?"

"Just... decompressing," Kris breathed, letting out a considerable sigh.

"Can I put this lamp on?"

"Sure."

Kris' eyes squinted a moment when the dim glow came to life next to him, and when his eyes finally focused he saw the familiar silhouette standing over him.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, fine."

"You don't look well."

"I'm tired."

Kris could see, even in the dim lamplight, Adam's face contort disbelievingly. A moment passed before Adam sat down on the edge of his bed and looked at him with those eyes, his forehead wrinkled in concentration.

"Now come on," Adam said, "I'm not stupid. You had an amazing night. So what's wrong?"

Kris sighed again. His heart ached in emptiness, that was what was wrong. But he didn't know how to put that into words. And as trustworthy and gentle as Adam had been to him in all this time together, Kris still felt a little awkward spilling his guts to a guy he sort of didn't technically know that well.

Adam made a guttural sound and spread his hand out on Kris' comforter. "Nevermind, I think I know." He paused before continuing. "You can talk to me, you know. If you want."

Something in Kris' heart pinged -- almost like desire -- and he almost _wanted_ to say something, but in the end was still too scared to utter a single syllable.

Adam's hand moved now, clasping onto Kris' which lay beside him, and squeezed tightly around his rough fingers. Instinctively, Kris bolted upright, snatching his hand back to himself and immediately feeling guilty. Adam was trying to be comforting and his first reaction was to recoil as if disgusted.

"Oh--"

"Oh, no, Adam, I didn't -- sorry. You startled me." It was at least partially true, though he admitted to himself that it was also partially ingrained behavior as well, and for that he felt sorry.

Adam licked his lips and Kris suddenly realized just how close they were to one another. Even in the near-darkness, Adam's pale sapphire eyes took hold of Kris' attention and seemed to draw him in as if hypnotized. He stared so long into them that he had to blink on purpose to keep his eyes from drying out.

"I... I know how it feels to be lonely," Adam croaked out, diverting his eyes, and for the first time since he'd known him Kris noted a certain amount of insecurity in his roommate's voice. It was extremely uncharacteristic and Kris just continued glaring at him, licking his own lips now in unsourced nervousness. It was strange for his roommate to lack confidence... it scared him a little.

Adam's eyes returned to Kris' and Kris again was drawn in. It was like some sort of spell and yes, that was it, wasn't it? Adam believed in that stuff, right? Astrology and paganism and stuff? Except that was so ridiculous that Kris almost laughed out loud at himself. But somehow during this train of thought, they had managed to lean closer to one another, as if those magnetizing eyes -- the spell they cast -- were drawing each against their will, yet neither resisted. Neither hesitated, nor paused nor started -- not until they were so close that Kris could feel Adam's breath on his skin and he licked his lips _again_ and those shining pools of Adam's eyes were large in his vision and --

It was Adam who finally closed the gap, lips chastely pressing Kris', eyelids dropping and cutting off the thread of connection between them. As quickly as the spell had been cast, it was disbursed, and Kris jerked back, taking in a deep breath through his nostrils and coughing into his hand. Adam's eyes fluttered open and he wore an expression of knowing, as if he hadn't expected anything more or less than that reaction precisely. He sighed gently and drew himself back out of Kris' space.

Kris remained there, dumbfounded and holding his breath. Adam's expression was bordering on sad now and Kris felt a twist in his heart as he watched with wide eyes as Adam silently got up, moved across the room to his own bed, pushed off his boots and slid under the covers, clothes and all. Kris stared at his form a moment before, noting the sloping shoulders and fit form against the shadows of the room. And for some reason that he could never explain, he blurted out the most awkward thing he could ever say.

"I miss Katy."

The air in the room hung heavier than a summer day in the tropics, and Kris' breath still neglected to return to him. He felt like he was suffocating.

"Good night, Kris."

Quiet. Vulnerable. Deflated.

Kris blinked against the semi-dark and barely registered turning the light off before folding himself over on his bed, back to his roommate. He let out an enormous sigh as a pain like he'd never known before seized his heart and wouldn't let go.


End file.
